


Last Christmas, I gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away this year, to save me from tears I'll give it to someone special

by Writing_mermaid



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, holiday party, thatesqcrush‘s Holiday B!ngo: Naughty & Nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:46:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27880977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writing_mermaid/pseuds/Writing_mermaid
Summary: When going to the precinct holiday party, Y/N remembers what happened the year before and decides that it's time for her to move on and to reveal a secret she keeps for a few months.
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Reader, Nick Amaro/Reader
Kudos: 11





	Last Christmas, I gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away this year, to save me from tears I'll give it to someone special

**Author's Note:**

> Written for @thatesqcrush's Holiday B!ngo: Naughty & Nice for the square : Holiday party
> 
> Song of the title : Last Christmas - Wham!
> 
> Also I wanted to post something on my birthday so happy birthday to me !!!

The yearly Christmas party. Inevitable, coming every year, the whole precinct gets all dress up. This year, I chose a black skirt, black tights, a pair of black boots and a blue Christmas sweater representing the body of an elf. Wrapped in my coat, my Harry Potter scarf around my neck and its matching beany on my head and gloves on my hands, I climb the stairs to go inside, knowing that he’s waiting for me inside. The heat inside hits me as soon as I push the door.

“Good evening detective Y/L/N”, a kind voice from behind the reception desk says.

“Good evening, Danielle”, I answer to the middle age woman who rises from her chair. “Ready to go to the party ?”, I ask her.

“I’ll not stay long”, she answers. “I’ll just have a drink and a few chats with everyone, and I’ll head home”, she smiles.

“Want to come upstairs with me ?”

“If you’re willing to give me a few minutes”, she smiles at me.

“Sure, take your time.”

Danielle puts her chair under her desk and gets out of her tiny booth to enter the bathroom. A few minutes later, she exits it, looking a freshen up.

“I’m all ready to go.”

We happily chat during our little walk to the elevators. Danielle tells me about her grand children who are coming for Christmas and ask me what I’m doing. I just answer that I don’t know yet if my family will be here or not.

“Good evening”, a voice comes from behind when we are waiting for the elevator.

“Oh, detective Amaro”, Danielle beams at him. “Long time no see.”

“I know”, he responds her, smiling. “Y/N”, he says coldly turning to me, losing his smile, nodding his head towards me.

“Nick”, I nod back, responding on the same tone.

Even after almost a year, there is still tension between me and the black-haired man who used to be my partner, and the man I was in love with. In the elevator, Danielle joyfully chats, Nick politely listening while I’m trying not to say nasty things to my former lover. The doors finally open and Nick, very gentlemanly, lets Danielle go outside first.

“After you”, he motions for me to exit before him.

“Thanks”, I say, exiting without a second glance.

I definitely turned the Nick page, or at least I’ll turn it definitely tonight. I leave my handbag and my coat to the short-lived cloakroom and enter the room that was decorated for the party. I hug my squad before chatting with some other cops of the precinct then a few words with Rafael Barba, our ADA and finally, I go to the buffet to grab a Christmas cocktail on the long table. I move next to one of the French windows and I lean against it, sipping my beverage from the paper cup, watching Nick kiss, hug, and happily chat with the team he hasn’t seen in almost a year. I turn my back to them, looking at the snow falling through the window, swallowing another mouthful of my drink. As I contemplate the white flakes falling, I go down memory lane.

I met Nick when I first arrive at SVU. I joined in mid-2012. I was new and not really experimented, especially for SVU, but I saw an opening, and a way to help people more than I already did, really be able to help victims and with the recommendation of my former boss, I got the job and Olivia took my under her wing, helping me at first to fit in. I was the youngest, but according to Captain Cragen, I found my place quickly, the fact of being only twenty-five helped a lot to bond with children, teenage victims, or girls of my age. After six months, I was paired with Nick. That’s how I developed a crush on Nick and how I gradually fell in love with him. Of course, I knew he was married and had a daughter, but I couldn’t help myself falling in love with that gorgeous Cuban man. I knew that Maria was overseas a lot and that made us become closer as he was often alone and so was I. He invited me to dinners with his daughter, or taking her to Central Park, to the zoo. At first, I contented myself with being a close friend, but it only made me fall for him more and more. When his wife came back, we spent less time together, but he still considered me as his best friend, telling me about his problems with Maria, the fact that their relationship was getting worse and worse. At some point, after she came back, Maria decided to accept a job in Washington, taking Zara with her, crushing Nick completely and once again, I was here to pick up the pieces. Not long after they left, Nick saw a former girlfriend of his again, Cynthia, and he learned he had a son with her. Once again, I was here when she assigned him for child support. I spent a lot of time with his, but he also seemed to enjoy Amanda’s company a lot, spending time at hers or being his partner, letting me work with Fin or Liv. I gradually became jealous of Amanda who was allowed to spend time with the man I was in love with instead of me. Of course, I couldn’t spend my time to mope around Nick and the fact that he didn’t look at me the way I did, I had a few hooks up, but nothing really serious, my mind being focused on that man I saw almost every day.

Then at some point after a huge disagreement with Olivia and Captain Cragen, Nick left SVU to work as an officer in Queens. That’s when Dominick ‘you can call me Sonny’ Carisi came along. At first, I didn’t really know what to think about him, but quickly, even if he had a bad start with the squad, Sonny proved that he was an amazing detective and a kind human being. When Nick came back, Sonny stayed with us when he was supposed to be here temporary. With time, I suspected that the blond detective had a crush on Amanda, just like Nick. And months passed till we reached last year’s Christmas party. Alcohol, a lot of alcohol and no inhibition in a dress that hugged all my curves, I was decided to tell Nick about my feelings, being tipsy helping a lot.

“Hey Nicky, can I tell you something ?”, I ask, not really giving him the choice of following me, grabbing his hand, and pulling him after me.

“Where are you taking me Y/N ?”, he laughed behind me, probably as drunk as I was, while I dragged him in the elevator to go to another floor.

Once the doors opened to a dark corridor, I took him with me out of the elevator, as far as we can go to be out of sight. When I’m sure that no one will come around, I pressed Nick to the wall.

“Is that okay with you ?”, I ask, the detective overriding the lust. We spend our time to say to the victims that consent is important, and I’ll not contravene the rule with my coworker, even if I’m tipsy.

“More than okay”, he answered.

His consent is all I was waiting for to crash my lips on his, in a feverish kiss. He returns it, equally passionate as mine. I don’t know if from his side it’s because of the alcohol or if he liked me the way I liked him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, while his hands were travelling on the sides of my body. Suddenly, he flipped me and my back, is on the wall. He pinned me to the wall, deepening the kiss, one of his legs between mine. He took my hands of his neck to pin them on the wall, intertwining his fingers in mine, before letting one of my hands go to push up my dress. His fingers grazed my thigh, sending goosebumps on my skin. Finally, what I’ve been waiting for since the moment I’ve met Nicolas Amaro was going to happen. His fingers went up and his hands brushed my underwear, making me moan against his mouth.

“Nick, please”, I begged between pants, my free hand grabbing his to slide it in my panties.

Nick didn’t need to be asked twice to start touching me and I moaned louder, happy that no one was around to hear it, too lost in the pleasure his fingers were giving me to stay quiet. In no time at all, Nick managed to make me cum on his fingers. If it was a taste of what was to come, I wanted more and immediately. I started to fumble with Nick’s belt while he was sucking his fingers, I didn’t even had time to push down his pants, that he was already pushing my panties aside.

“Don’t worry, I’m clean”, I said, “I haven’t had sex with anyone in a while and always protected and I get test often.”

“That’s okay, I have this”, he took a condom out of his back pocket, smirking as if he knew he was going to use it tonight.

He removed the foil and unfolded the condom to put it on his dick before entering me in one swift movement. I slipped my arms under his armpits, my nails digging in his shirt like claws as he was stretching me. After two or three minutes, Nick started to move, thrusting in and out of me, my orgasm building with each thrust. The only noise in that empty and dark floor are mine and Nick’s moans and groans and the sound of slapping skin.

“Nick, I don’t think I’ll last longer”, I warned him.

“Let go Y/N, let go”, he answered, sneaking his hand between my legs, before he started to draw circles on my clit.

“Oh, fuck, Nicky”, I moaned in his ear. “I… I love you.”

My hands gripped the back of his shoulders harder while my pussy tightened around his cock. I could feel that he was close too. His thrust became sloppy while my release was hitting me, and I felt his coming right after mine. He stopped, still buried in me, and brought back his lips to mine in a soft kiss.

“I suggest that we both put our clothes back on and continue this at my home, what do you think ?”

I didn’t answer, I just nodded, still engulfed in my post orgasmic bliss. Nick pulled out and I adjusted my panties to their first place, and he put his pants back. Before going back upstairs to gather our belongings, I go to the bathroom. When I look at myself in the mirror, not only I see a blissful expression, but also that my hair is messy, and my lipstick and mascara leaked. I bite my lower lip, wondering if someone saw us leaving or noticed our absence. When we’re finally decent again, Nick took my hand, and we went back upstairs. The cab drive we took seemed to last forever, the hardest part being trying not to jump at each other and have sex right there on the backseat. We spent the rest of the night in bed, pleasuring each other, but in the morning, everything had changed. I gathered my things from the bedroom floor, Nick long gone from the cold bed. The air was thick, and I could feel that something was off, I just didn’t know what. I slipped my dress on and exited the bedroom, to find Nick in the kitchen, leaning against the sink, a mug of coffee in his hand.

“Good morning”, I smiled, trying to be as cheerful as I could be despite the tension in the air.

“Good morning”, he answered, not even looking at me, focusing on the kitchen floor. “I made you a coffee and there’s cookies on the table.”

“I… I don’t drink coffee Nick, and you know it.”

“No, I didn’t know”, he responded.

Yes, he knew it, he never saw me drink coffee once since the moment I pushed the doors of the precinct. He didn’t even care about me or notice a thing concerning me.

“I have orange juice.”

“Same thing, I don’t like oranges.”

He sighed and poured water in a mug that he put in the microwave and took a tea bag and sugar from a cupboard. One minute later, he handed me the tepid mug.

“Thanks”, I said, taking it and sitting at the table.

“You should go after you finish your breakfast”, Nick said, looking down his mug full of black coffee.

I almost chocked on the cookie I was eating. He was literally throwing me out of his apartment. We spent the night together and he was getting rid of me. I told him I loved him, and he was kicking me out. Realization hit me at that moment, he never said he loved me back, not at one moment while we were at it like rabbits.

“You don’t love me Nick, do you ?”, I questioned, looking at the wall in front of me, instead of looking at him.

“Not the way you want me to love you, Y/N…”, he sighed. “I still love Maria and I want to win her back. Last night meant nothing, I just needed to let off a little steam.”

“So, you just used me”, I stated calmly. “You just used me, you knew I was in love with you and you used me to ‘let off a little steam’”, I roared, letting my anger fill the whole room, getting up from the chair I was sitting on, almost spilling my tea on the table. “Don’t worry Nicolas, I’m leaving.”

Not even finishing my breakfast, I grabbed my coat and purse and went out of the flat, calling a cab when I reach the hallway. I know that it could seem silly, but I spent my day crying in bed, after a long and hot shower trying to erase all traces of Nick from my body.

When I came back at the precinct the Monday morning, I went straight to Olivia’s office to ask her if I could change of partner. She didn’t ask why and said I could work with Fin or Sonny, and Amanda would work with Nick. I said that both were fine, I didn’t care, I just didn’t want to work with Nick anymore. If no one noticed that there was tension between Nick and me or didn’t really care, Sonny did. He saw that something was wrong, but instead of asking if I needed something or wanted to talk about, Sonny brought me teas and pastries every morning, without me asking about anything. He brought things, always bringing things I loved, and still love though, he took care of me while I was asking for nothing. Time and Sonny helping, I told him what happened with Nick, one night during a surveillance mission. The tall blond didn’t say a thing, he just listened to me, looking at me with those big blue eyes of his, and it helped a lot. The more I told Sonny about Nick and what happened, the more I realized that the idea I had of him or of being in love with him was false. All those confessions and time together made me getting closer to Sonny, who became my best friend and confident. I felt good with him and everything felt so natural with Sonny, easier. Not long after, Nick got shot, all the team supported him, but he chose to retire early, staying in New York, distancing himself from us.

With Nick away, I allowed myself to fall for someone else, that someone else being Sonny. Sonny always around, Sonny bringing me breakfast every morning, Sonny being there to comfort me when cases were too hard, Sonny just being Sonny. Six months ago, when we were coming back from a questioning, he asked me out, I was surprised, I didn’t expect this, but I said yes, because I had everything to win. Then first date led to a second, second to a third and that third date, to a first kiss. Sonny dropped me in front of my door, and we kissed. This was natural, like it was meant to be at that given moment. First night with him, not long after felt right and in the morning I had the pleasant surprise to find him with a tray and breakfast in bed, not in a hurry for me to leave, that made me fall even more if it was possible. We decided to keep our relationship secret for a little while. I knew that even the squad didn’t say, they probably knew what happened between Nick and I. Waking up in Sonny’s arms almost every morning is probably one of the best things that happened to me. Who would have thought that I would forget a Cuban detective in the arms of an Italian one ? Not me, and certainly not when I met Sonny the first time.

A long arm snakes around my waist, a firm chest is pressed on my back and a kiss on the top of my head makes me snap back to reality.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, leaning there and looking through the window ?”, he asks with his thick Staten Island accent.

“Nothing, I was just thinking about the past year.”

He moves in front of me, looking down at my face.

“Did anyone see you doing this ?”, I ask.

“What kissing my amazing girlfriend ? Nah, they’re all too busy catching up with Nick”, he shakes his head, smiling. “Are you sure that you want to do that ?”, he questions.

“Yes, I am”, I sigh. “I need to do this, I need closure and I need everyone to know that I’m in love with the most amazing man of all New York. I don’t want to keep it a secret anymore. I love you and I want everyone here to know”, I add, pecking his lips quickly.

“For the record, know that I love you too”, he grabs my hand and brings it to his lips for a quick kiss, intertwining his fingers with mine when he puts my hand down.

I don’t think anyone noticed Sonny and me in our little corner, they’re all too engulfed in their own conversations to notice two detectives in love standing by the window. I love to lose myself in his beautiful blue eyes, I could spend my time to look at him. Falling in love with Sonny was so unexpected at the beginning, but so natural and so right.

“Excuse me, everyone”, a man taps on a microphone, and the crowd turns to the stage at the bottom of the room. “Sorry to disturb your conversations, but it’s time for our Christmas karaoke, and the first person I have on my list is detective Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Bring the squad to the stage, I need the two of you to be right in my sight”, I say turning to Sonny, who takes my empty cup from my hands and just nods.

I take a deep breath, Sonny squeezes my hand and goes to our squad, motioning towards the stage to make them move in front of it, while I make my way to the end of the room. When I reach the stairs, I can see them all exactly at the first row of the stage, Sonny and Nick in the middle. Sonny gives me a quick and discreet smile when I take the microphone in my hand.

“Good evening”, I say in the microphone. “I’m Y/N, from SVU. And tonight, I’ll sing you a song that I want to dedicate to two men who are in that room.”

I clear my throat when the first notes of the song resonate in the room, looking at Nick when the first words come out of my mouth.

_Last Christmas, I gave you my heart_ _  
But the very next day you gave it away  
This year, to save me from tears  
I'll give it to someone special_

Liv, Amanda, Fin and Rafael noticed because they all looked at each other and then at Nick, only Sonny’s eyes don’t leave me. The whole room sings along with me when the next chorus comes around. Singing Last Christmas is really relieving, even if I kinda expose my personal life in front of the precinct. I was a little tense when I started to sing but the more the music passes the more I’m relaxed, not looking away from Sonny, smiling more while singing.

_Now, I've found a real love you'll never fool me again_

Singing this phrase, I look at Sonny, a huge grin of his face matches mine. And this time, Liv, Amanda, Fin, Rafael, and Nick look at Sonny, mouth agape, their gazes travelling from him to me and vice versa. I knew this would be unexpected for all of them, but I’m happy that now everyone knows. Well, I’m less happy to know that I’ll have to let our superiors know about this. When I finish the song, the whole room is quiet, their gazes fixed on me for some, and on Sonny and Nick for the others. I go down the stage, helped by Sonny who grabs me by the waist and puts me down on the floor, his eyes staring into mine. Our all group moves a little well away from the crowd, while someone else goes on stage.

“So, the two of you”, Liv states, looking at us, after Sonny places himself behind me and puts his arms around me. “But also, the two of you”, she adds, pointing at Nick and me.

“Don’t worry, Nick and I were never involved the same way I’m with Sonny.”

“In which way were Nick and you involved if it’s not the same way you’re involved with Sonny ?”, Amanda questions.

I give her a meaningful look and she understands.

“I think we will all need a little drink to process all of this”, Rafael walks towards the buffet with Fin, Liv, and Amanda, leaving Sonny, Nick, and I to discuss.

“By the way Y/N, I wanted to apologize”, Nick starts. “I wanted to apologize about the way I treated you. I treated you really bad, like shit even. You just wanted me to love you, you loved me, and I acted like a jerk. Please forgive me. And I can see that you are happy with Carisi. Just the way you look at him and the way he looks at you, I can tell that there is something you would never had have with me.”

“Thanks Nick”, I say, “and I forgive you, I had time to think and to look back. Of course, you broke my heart, but I gained something better”, I add, settling a little more in Sonny’s embrace.

“Friends again ?”, he asks.

“Friends again”, I respond.

I leave Sonny’s grip to hug Nick.

“I can see that two persons here just reconciled”, Liv says, coming back to us when I pull away from Nick and go back next to Sonny, who puts his arm around my shoulder.

“Let’s raise our glasses”, Rafael states, giving a cup to Sonny, while Amanda hands me one. “To friendship, love, forgiveness and the holidays. Cheers.”

“Cheers”, we all repeat, raising our glasses and drinking.

Sonny looks down at me, adoration in his eyes and leans down to kiss me, under the cheers of our friends. I really gave my heart to someone special this year and found a real love, probably for the rest of my life.


End file.
